Postpartum Depression: Understanding What You’re Going Through - Postpartum Counselling in Vancouver and Richmond BC
Updated: Sep 8
Becoming a parent can bring profound love, but it can also bring exhaustion, uncertainty, and emotions that are difficult to make sense of.
Sometimes, the experience does not feel the way you expected it to.
You may find yourself crying more often, feeling disconnected from your baby, becoming easily overwhelmed, or wondering why you are struggling when you are “supposed” to be happy.
These experiences can be signs of postpartum depression (PPD). And experiencing postpartum depression does not mean you are a bad parent or that you do not love your baby.
It means you may need support.
What Is Postpartum Depression?
Postpartum depression is a type of depression that can develop during pregnancy or after giving birth. Although it is often discussed in relation to the first few weeks or months after delivery, difficulties can emerge later as well.
The transition into parenthood involves enormous physical, emotional, relational, and practical changes. Sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, changes in identity, relationship stress, financial concerns, a difficult birth experience, breastfeeding challenges, limited support, or the demands of caring for a baby can all contribute to emotional distress.
Postpartum depression is more than simply having a difficult day or feeling tired.
It can affect how you think, feel, function, and relate to yourself and the people around you.
What Can Postpartum Depression Feel Like?
Everyone experiences postpartum depression differently. Some people may feel deeply sad, while others primarily experience anxiety, irritability, numbness, or exhaustion.
Common experiences may include:
Persistent sadness, emptiness, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed
Frequent crying
Feeling hopeless or helpless
Losing interest in things you used to enjoy
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
Excessive guilt or feeling like you are “not a good enough” parent
Harsh self-criticism
Feeling constantly worried or on edge
Irritability or anger
Difficulty sleeping, even when the baby is sleeping
Sleeping excessively
Changes in appetite
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Feeling disconnected from your partner
Difficulty feeling connected to your baby
Feeling trapped or like you have lost yourself
One particularly painful part of postpartum depression can be the thoughts that accompany it:
“Why can't I handle this?”
“Everyone else seems to be doing fine.”
“I should be happier.”
“Maybe I'm not meant to be a mother.”
These thoughts can create a cycle of shame and isolation, making it even harder to reach out for help.
“Baby Blues” or Postpartum Depression?
Many new parents experience what is commonly called the baby blues. Mood changes, tearfulness, irritability, and feeling overwhelmed can occur during the first days after childbirth and often improve within about two weeks.
Postpartum depression tends to be more persistent, intense, or disruptive to daily life.
If difficult emotions continue, become more severe, or are interfering with your ability to care for yourself, connect with others, or function day to day, it is worth speaking with a healthcare professional or mental health professional.
You do not need to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.
You Can Love Your Baby and Still Struggle
There is a common assumption that loving your baby should automatically make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Real life is more complicated.
You can deeply love your child and feel exhausted.
You can feel grateful and feel resentful.
You can feel connected one moment and completely disconnected the next.
You can love being a parent and miss the person you were before becoming one.
These feelings can coexist.
Parenthood can involve a profound shift in identity. Your routines, independence, body, relationships, priorities, and sense of yourself may all change at once.
Sometimes the question is not simply, “How can I become a better parent?”
It may also be:
“How can I make space for myself again?”
The Pressure to Be a “Good Mother”
For many parents, especially mothers, there can be enormous pressure to do everything correctly.
You may feel that you should:
Be patient all the time
Enjoy every stage
Know what your baby needs
Breastfeed successfully
Keep the house under control
Return to work smoothly
Maintain your relationship
Take care of everyone else
And somehow still find time to take care of yourself
When reality does not match these expectations, it can be easy to turn the frustration inward.
Instead of thinking:
“This is incredibly difficult.”
you may think:
“I am failing.”
Counselling can provide a space to slow down and examine these expectations with compassion.
Sometimes healing begins not by trying harder, but by recognizing how much you have been carrying.
Postpartum Depression Can Affect Partners Too
Postpartum emotional difficulties are not limited to mothers.
Partners can also experience depression, anxiety, emotional withdrawal, irritability, sleep difficulties, or feelings of inadequacy after a baby arrives.
The transition to parenthood affects the entire family system.
Sometimes both parents are struggling at the same time, while each assumes the other person is coping better.
Talking openly about what you are experiencing can help reduce this isolation.
When Should You Reach Out for Support?
Consider reaching out if you have been struggling emotionally and things are not improving, or if your emotions are beginning to interfere with your daily life or relationships.
You do not have to have a diagnosis to seek counselling.
You also do not need to wait until you are “bad enough.”
Counselling can offer a place to:
Understand what you are experiencing
Explore difficult emotions without judgment
Work with self-criticism and guilt
Adjust to changes in identity and relationships
Develop healthier ways of coping with stress
Process difficult pregnancy or birth experiences
Strengthen communication with your partner
Reconnect with yourself beyond your role as a parent
Develop greater self-compassion
For some people, counselling may be one part of a broader support plan that also includes medical care, medication, practical support, rest, and connection with loved ones.
You Don't Have to Go Through This Alone
Postpartum depression can make you feel isolated at a time when you most need support.
But struggling does not mean you are failing.
Sometimes, the first step is simply being able to say:
“I'm not doing okay.”
You deserve a space where you do not have to pretend that everything is fine.
You can be a loving parent and still need care yourself.
And taking care of yourself is not taking away from your child—it is part of taking care of your family.
If You Are Looking for Support
If you are experiencing postpartum depression, anxiety, overwhelm, or difficulty adjusting to parenthood, counselling can provide a compassionate and non-judgmental space to explore what you are going through.
At Jessy Lok Counselling, I work with individuals navigating pregnancy, postpartum experiences, parenting, anxiety, life transitions, and changes in identity. Counselling is available in English, Cantonese, and Mandarin.
You don't have to figure everything out on your own.
If you're ready to talk, you can book a free 15-minute consultation to see whether counselling may be a good fit for you.
A Note About Safety
If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself, your baby, or someone else, or if you are experiencing confusion, hallucinations, paranoia, or feeling detached from reality, please seek urgent professional help. Postpartum mental health emergencies require immediate assessment and support. In Canada, you can call or text 988 for crisis support, or call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department if there is an immediate danger.
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