Why We Judge Ourselves More Harshly Than Our Favourite FIFA Players?
- Jessy Lok
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
The FIFA World Cup has a way of bringing people together. Whether you're a lifelong football fan or simply caught up in the excitement, you've probably found yourself cheering for a team, celebrating incredible goals, or feeling the heartbreak of a missed opportunity.
Imagine your favourite player stepping up to take a penalty kick in the final moments of a match. They miss.
You might feel disappointed. You might even shout at the television for a second.
But would you think they're a failure?
Probably not.
You know they've trained for years. You know they've had great games before. You know that one moment doesn't define who they are as a player.
Now imagine making a mistake at work.
Perhaps you forgot an important detail in a meeting. Maybe you said the wrong thing during a presentation or missed a deadline.
How quickly does your inner voice change?
"I'm not good enough."
"I always mess things up."
"Everyone must think I'm incompetent."
Many of us speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to someone else.
Why are we so much kinder to others?
One reason is that we naturally see other people's mistakes in context.
When an athlete misses a shot, we recognize the pressure they were under. We remember their past successes. We understand that everyone has difficult days.
When we make a mistake ourselves, however, our perspective often narrows. Instead of seeing one imperfect moment, we see it as evidence of our worth.
This is especially common for people who struggle with perfectionism or anxiety. The mind begins to equate performance with identity.
Instead of thinking:
"I made a mistake."
We think:
"I am a mistake."
Those are two very different conclusions.
The brain's negativity bias
Our brains are naturally wired to pay more attention to threats than successes. From an evolutionary perspective, remembering danger helped our ancestors survive.
Today, that same tendency can cause us to replay embarrassing moments repeatedly while overlooking everything that went well.
You might receive ten compliments and one piece of constructive feedback—and find yourself thinking about that one comment for the rest of the day.
Your brain isn't trying to make you miserable.
It's trying to protect you.
Unfortunately, that protective system can become overly active, leading to chronic self-criticism and anxiety.
A mindfulness perspective
Mindfulness doesn't ask us to pretend everything is fine or convince ourselves that we're perfect.
Instead, it invites us to notice what is happening with curiosity.
When self-critical thoughts arise, we can gently ask:
Is this thought completely true?
Would I say this to someone I care about?
Am I confusing one moment with my entire identity?
These questions create a little more space between us and our thoughts.
Instead of automatically believing every critical story our mind tells us, we begin to observe them.
That small shift can make a remarkable difference.
Try this simple exercise
The next time you catch yourself being overly critical, pause for a moment.
Imagine your favourite football player making the exact same mistake you're judging yourself for.
What would you say to them?
Perhaps:
"You'll learn from this."
"Everyone has bad days."
"One mistake doesn't erase all your hard work."
Now ask yourself:
Why do I deserve less compassion than they do?
You don't have to lower your standards.
You can continue striving to grow while also treating yourself with kindness.
In fact, research consistently shows that self-compassion helps people recover from setbacks more effectively than harsh self-criticism. When we feel safe rather than attacked, we're more willing to learn, adapt, and try again.
Final thoughts
The players we admire aren't great because they never make mistakes.
They're great because they keep showing up after they do.
The same is true for us.
Your worth isn't determined by one conversation, one decision, one missed opportunity, or one difficult day.
Mistakes are part of being human.
Learning to meet those moments with awareness, understanding, and compassion isn't about lowering your expectations. It's about creating the emotional resilience needed to keep moving forward.
If you notice that your inner critic has become exhausting, counselling can offer a supportive space to understand where those patterns came from and to develop a healthier, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
You deserve the same encouragement that you so readily offer to others.
Ready to quiet your inner critic?
If perfectionism, anxiety, or self-criticism are making it difficult to enjoy life or trust yourself, counselling can help. Together, we can explore the patterns that keep you stuck, develop practical tools for navigating difficult emotions, and cultivate a kinder relationship with yourself—one that supports growth rather than fear.
If you're looking for counselling in Vancouver, Richmond, or across British Columbia (online), I'd be honoured to support you on your journey.
Book a free consultation to see if we are a good fit.
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